In the past, each time I get an invitation, the first reaction is to find reasons not to go. I get panicky about what to wear. I start wondering what to say in a conversation or how we're going to handle the payment.
The other day I got a call from my late husband's cousin inviting me to a dinner in their golf club. My anxiety went up as I feel awkward to be in these places. I couldn't say no, but my mind rushed to thinking of reasons to get out of this engagement. I am not sure if I will feel at ease with them. I never worried about this before because my husband would always carry the conversation. I never had to say anything unless directly asked, and as the conversation flows smoothly with him around, I had never worried.
I probably tried on so many dresses to make sure I dressed appropriately, not embarrass my adopted cousins. We have not seen each other since the COVID lockdown, so I was a bit apprehensive.
The day came, and the weather was terrible. Possibly, I could convince them to cancel. I tried, but they responded that they had called the club and they're fine. So, I prepared myself for the pick-up. When I entered the car, I saw that my cousin's husband was in shorts. My cousin, who casually dressed, assured me that everything goes. I saw when I came in that people there wore whatever was comfortable. It was their second home. That made me feel at ease.
As we're still maintaining social distancing, we wore masks in the car and ate in the outdoors. The dining room is very spacious that even with many people there, we had enough space away from other diners, which made for a more lively conversation.
Being my first time to be with these cousins on my own, I worried earlier what to say, but as the dinner progressed, the conversation became smooth and enjoyable. I entered fully into it, expressing my views freely. For them, this must have been the first time they have heard much from me. The conversation was so compelling that we ended with a greater desire to see each other more.
Reflecting on this experience, I saw how much I have changed as a person. I seem comfortable with everyone, happy to engage with them, and valued my contribution. I started to feel my worth as a person. What changes have I recently made to my life that brought about this new being I love?
Here is the most crucial step I took. A friend of mine recommended that I check out the workshop on transforming yourself. This friend told me that with the new science of epigenetics, I could even change my genes. So, I went to YouTube and looked at some of the videos on epigenetics. I started educating myself on the more effective personal transformation. My friend also suggested I check out the workshop of Dr. Joe Dispenza.
After watching several videos on meditation, I saw how crucial this practice is to the change I want. So, I started meditating, and the changes I experienced encouraged me to go on. I did this for about two weeks until my friend convinced me to take Dr. Dispenza's workshop.
Thanks for the time COVID has given us, I ventured into the workshop. I have meditated before, but this workshop led me to the most intense experience in my life. I found myself tuning in to the unknown, the place of possibilities where I find my new potential.
What is important is that you seek your inner transformation. Once you start, the forces around will help you.